This is just completely unnecessary. It’s like watching your parents try to dirty dance. Katie appears to be doing her sexiest chicken impression, and check out the sweat on Cruisazy. Yuck.
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“Marc really hit it off with Tom—they just got close.”
― Jennifer Lopez in the August issue of Glamour Magazine about double dating with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
[Photo via JustJared]
We hate Tom Cruise, which inevitably makes people (read: the Dutch and Scientologists) hate us. Let’s dig into the I Hate Tom Cruise hate mailbag, shall we?
From: Bob the Builder
Date: May 4, 2007
Subject: –Why not put your energies [sic] into something positive instead of slaggin [sic] of [sic] someone else?
Clearly you don’t understand that hating Tom Cruise IS positive.
From: Mark
Date: May 11, 2007
Subject: hiI would just like to point out that you must have a very large amount of free time to be sad enough to create a web site that solely abuses tom cruise and his family.
A few pointers :- [sic]
you havnt [sic] got tom cruises [sic] millions for starters.
you are probably a lonely person or people
when tom cruise dies he will be remembered, who will remember you?
you [sic] just a sad low-life that needs to grow up!
Mark, we would just like to point out that your random punctuation and atrocious spelling aren’t helping you get ahead in life. Also, thanks for your concern about our loneliness and legacy, but we’re doing just fine. Remember, Xenu loves you!
From: tom
Date: May 16, 2007
Subject: looserwhat a looser [sic] you really are, you are either very jelous [sic] or have a couple of screws loose. Its [sic] tom cruise’s personal business what he does and when he does it. Grow up and make a website about something decent you prick
This coming from a person who can’t even spell “loser.” Tom, Tom, Tom…you poor, misguided, functionally illiterate soul. Thanks for the chuckle.
Just when we thought we couldn’t possibly adore I Can Has Cheezburger more, they go and post this.
It’s official, folks—we’re in lolcat love.
[Photo via I Can Has Cheezburger?]
While Tom is away, Katie will play…with her new co-star [Dlisted]
Tom looks fat, Katie looks lobotomized [Perez Hilton]
Tom continues to buy Brooke Shields’ friendship [PopSugar]
Katie has had enough of Grandma Cruise [Celebrity Baby Blog]
Katie has to take Scientology “mommy classes” [Defamer]
Katie is sick and tired…and suddenly we have new-found respect for Victoria Beckham (didn’t see that coming!) [Lainey’s Entertainment Update]
[Photo via IDLYITW]
The crazies over at our archnemesis site have posted some (must say something nice) interesting photos of Suri Cruise, who attended the first birthday party of Brooke Shields’ daughter, Grier Henchy, over the weekend. So how old is Suri really—somewhere in the 15 to 18 month range? Does anyone truly believe she’s as old as Tom and Katie claim?
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
UPDATE: People reports that, as of her “first” birthday on April 18, “Suri is walking and talking” and that “Tom and Suri kicked the ball around the lawn during the [birthday] party.”
Do one-year-olds normally walk, talk and have the dexterity to kick a ball around a lawn? Exactly.
[Photos via TomKatCrazy]
Today is our favorite test-tube baby’s “first” (*cough* she’s way older *cough*) birthday! Everyone at I Hate Tom Cruise would like to wish Suri Cruise a very happy birthday. Only 17 more years until you’re free, kiddo. We can’t wait to read your tell-all book.
[Photo via Just Jared]
Katie, Katie, Katie…what the hell did you get yourself into?!
Speaking of which, the following report on the state of Ms. Holmes and Cruisazy’s union is from E! gossip Ted Casablanca’s The Awful Truth (and, no, we don’t always understand all of his “humpy” expressions, but you get the picture):
Just wanted to comment on all this biz in the press lately about how very exacting Tommy-babe is supposed to be with his Katie-poo.
Well, let’s ask a few things in the process, shall we?
Why does Andrew Morton’s book on the “supposedly” controlling T.C. appear to be stuck in Nowhereville? It was due to come out last fall, I was told; now, I hear, Andy’s still “writing” it. I also want to point out here that A.M.—famous for writing all about the infamous Diana, Princess of Wales—has said going up against the lethally tough royal family was a “walk in Hyde Park” compared to snooping out Tom Cruise.
Why’s that, Mr. Cee?
Why, back at that Mentoring charity event I mentioned a few days ago (the one where certain table-hoppers claimed T. ‘n’ K. had “zero chemistry”), were there hardly any clips of any flicks Tom did with his ex, Nicole Kidman? Is making a film with your wife under the tutelage of Stanley Kubrick the equivalent of directorial chopped liver, or something?
Why do Katie’s Ohioan friends and fam, according to my über-trusty Desk Toledo, claim all talk of Katie Cruise is now verboten—she’s simply not mentioned anymore? Hmmm. Good questions, I’d say, when trying to figure out our original query.
Wow, just wow.
Thanks to Shadow Girl for the tip!
[Photos via I’m Not Obsessed]
Tom, Katie and Suri went to another (surprise!) Cruise family sporting event over the weekend, and Suri fully tried to make a run for it! So this pretty much confirms that Suri is older than Tom and Katie claim, right? (Does anyone know of another 11-month-old who can run??) Suddenly the Chris Klein father rumor seems less outlandish…
[Photo via Hollywood Rag]
Remember the not-so-happy Tom and Katie photo we posted yesterday? Star Magazine is now claiming to have the exclusive dirt behind the scowls.
The photo was taken on March 11 during Tom’s son Connor’s basketball game at Beverly Hills High School, at which the couple arrived separately and seemed anything but madly in love. An eyewitness tells Star, “Both Tom and Katie looked absolutely miserable. I think they were definitely furious with each other.”
It turns out Tom is none too pleased with Katie’s newly assertive behavior (i.e., she decided to get a job.) A source explains, “Tom probably feels that Katie has drifted from the path, (and is asking Katie to get) retrained in the ways of Scientology.” Tom had Katie undergo a “purification process” to “free herself from any emotional problems she may be having,” which included a five-hour sauna to eliminate “poisons” from her body.
“Katie only wants to be married once,” a source tells Star, so to ensure her marriage stays intact she’ll continue to please Tom; she wouldn’t want to upset him. A source adds Tom “apparently has a bad temper when he’s pushed.”
[Photo via Star Magazine]
So this is what Tom and Katie look like when they’re not smiling at each other maniacally in a vain attempt to convince the world that they’re madly in love. Who wants to bet this version is closer to the truth?
[Photo via Faded Youth]
Check out Rolling Stone for a great article about “South Park” and its co-creators (and fellow Tom Cruise haters) Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Our hats are off to you, Trey and Matt—keep fighting the good fight.
UPDATE: Thanks for the image, Frank!
Katie Holmes is due to start shooting “Mad Money”—a comedy also staring Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah about three women who plan to steal millions from the Federal Reserve—in Louisiana next month, and Page Six reports that Tom, ever the control freak, is already calling the shots.
“Tom has called producers and told them he will be on set every day,” according to an insider. “He wants to observe what’s going on and will probably help Katie out.” The couple will likely bring their infant daughter, Suri, along as well.
The insider added, “Katie’s agent, Hylda Queally [at CAA], chose this role for her because it is a female buddy movie. There is no love interest and she wouldn’t be kissing anyone or have a sex scene.”
Katie reportedly gave up her role in the upcoming “Batman” sequel at Tom’s urging because she would have had romantic scenes with Christian Bale. Tom was also said to be upset over Katie’s sex scene in last year’s “Thank You for Smoking,” and the scene mysteriously went missing during several festival screenings.
Sounds like Tom wants to make sure other actors keep their damn hands off his business arrangement wife!
As for Katie, we’re guessing she thinks it is “amazing” and “wonderful” that the man she “loves to call husband” is “so supportive.”
Tom, Katie—seriously, we get it. You’re “in love.” Please stop with the unnecessarily ridiculous PDA. That is all.
[Photo via ICYDK]
So clearly The Sun isn’t the bastion of good reporting, but this was just too good not to post. The paper reports that Tom Cruise has been labeled the “Christ” of Scientology by its leaders and has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world. Leader David Miscavige believes that in the future Tom will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness about Scientology. A source close to Tom says:
“Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”
Future generations will realize that Tom was right about what? That 75 million years ago an alien dictator brought billions of aliens to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs, causing their souls to cluster together and stick to the bodies of the living, and that these alien souls continue to wreak havoc and create chaos to this very day? Riiiiight.
[via The Sun Online]
It’s a little late, but what the hell—welcome to 2007, bitches! May you have a wonderful year of hating on Tom Cruise. Now, let’s get on to the business at hand…
“The street fighter in me wants to lash out. But the host in me said this is extraordinary television and don’t let it end. I knew this would be great TV. Cruise had no intention of listening to me…. I was watching this guy come into my living room and not keeping it a professional discussion. He was pointing at me.”
- Matt Lauer on his memorable 2006 interview with Cruisazy
[via Us Weekly]
On the eve of Tom and Katie’s wedding, we decided that an anagram would best express our feelings about their impending union:
Katie Holmes = Tom Likes A He
Also worth noting: Brooke Shields is attending the wedding. Clearly she doesn’t hold a grudge as long as we do. Or perhaps she’s on the payroll now too? Oh, the possibilities…
P.S. Make that allegedly likes a he.
The Atlantis space shuttle landed safely yesterday after being delayed for landing due to a “mystery object” falling off of the shuttle on Tuesday. The intrepid reporters at The Wow Report have now discovered just what—or rather, who—that mystery object was. Safe intergalactic travels to you, dear Suri. We understand your need to flee.
Thanks to Kiana for the tip!
“Tom won’t come on my show because I’d tell him he’s a nutter!”
- Sharon Osbourne
[via The Sun Online]
Although we would argue that Stephen Baldwin should probably focus his prayers on his train wreck of a brother Daniel first and foremost, he recently told Radar magazine that he’s praying for Tom Cruise’s soul:
On the Hollywood list of people I pray for often, Tom Cruise is probably No. 1. All I have to say to Tom is, God bless ya, I hope you’re having fun. But I’d love through Radar magazine to throw a gauntlet down to Mr. Cruise. I’d love to break bread with him and pray with him, and I’d love for the Holy Spirit of God to reveal the truth to him. That would be an awesome thing. I remember Tom back in the day. I did “Born on the Fourth of July” with him. And he’s a very different guy now. …That regular Joe quality seems to have been lost. When you buy enough of your own hype, then it’s not who you are anymore. It becomes about how you’re perceived. I’d rather be young little sweet little Jesus Freak Stevie B any day of the week. Seriously though, can you put us together? Can we get a little sushi together? I’d like to give him a spicy Jesus roll.
Better make that a spicy Xenu roll, Stephen.
[via Radar Online]
Finally we get to see Suri! She’s a cute kid—much less alien-like than we had expected. But is it just us, or do you think Tom and Katie’s gardener is Asian?
Speaking of Suri conspiracy theories, here’s yet another one:
Ok, we weren’t going to bother spreading this story, but whenever we tell it to anyone they encourage us to do so. So here we go. Keep in mind this is a RUMOR, but it explains a lot. The story goes that when Katie Holmes split with her ex-boyfriend Chris Klein in March 2005, she may or may not have realized she was pregnant with his baby. She started dating Tom in April, 2005, and according to this tale, when Tom found out she was expecting, he not only didn’t MIND, but he insisted on taking credit for the pregnancy. They abruptly got engaged in June 2005. Since the baby was scheduled to be born too soon into their relationship, Tom and Katie faked the birth date. She actually gave birth months EARLIER than the announced birth. She wore padding for the last few months after the REAL birth, and made sure she was photographed. In case you don’t remember, Suri’s announced April 18 birth was oddly undocumented - there were no hospital records or specifics. Where WAS Suri born? Tom and Katie didn’t want their baby photographed because it would be apparent that Suri wasn’t newborn. After a few months it’s not so easy to recognize a baby’s exact age. Have you noticed that Suri has uniquely slanted eyes like Chris Klein? Keep in mind this is simply a rumor - form your own conclusions.
So do you think this theory is a) completely ridiculous or b) more plausible than the notion that Tom actually had sex with Katie. Discuss.
[via Janet Carlton’s Hollywood]
So by now you’ve surely heard that Paramount kicked Tom to the curb this week. Let’s all say it together: Mwahahahahahahaha! OK, now that we’ve all gotten our evil laughs out of the way, let’s recap, shall we?
On Tuesday, Viacom Inc. Chairman Sumner Redstone told the Wall Street Journal that Paramount was ending its 14-year relationship with Tom:
“It’s nothing to do with his acting ability, he’s a terrific actor,” Sumner told The Wall Street Journal yesterday. “But we don’t think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot…. As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal. His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.”
Let’s all just take a moment to bask in the glow of that sublime burn before we move on to Tom’s rebuttal. That’s right, take a deep breath…savor it. Do you have a beatific smile on your face? You should. Alright, let’s resume.
Paula Wagner, Tom’s producing partner, hit back at Redstone right quick, telling the LA Times:
“It is graceless. It is undignified. It’s not businesslike,” she said. “I ask, what is his real agenda? What is he trying to do? Is this how you treat artists? If I were another actor or filmmaker, would I work at a studio that takes one of their greatest assets and publicly does this?”
She went on to claim that it was their decision to leave Paramount after contract negotiations had faltered, and that she and Tom had secured $100 million in outside funding from two unnamed hedge funds to establish an independent production company. Paramount’s response? Another burn, baby, this time to the New York Times:
A spokesman for Mr. Redstone, Carl Folta, scoffed at Ms. Wagner’s talk of new financial backers. “Did they give you a name?” he said.
Even better yet, “South Park” creators and Tom tormenters Trey Parker and Matt Stone just secured a two-picture deal with Paramount. Awesome.
The moral of the story? Sumner Redstone is our new hero.
Thanks to reader Malaika for initially tipping us off to the story.
Rush and Malloy reported last week that Joe DiMaggio was a Tom Cruise hater too. It turns out that Tom scared the Yankee legend by following him:
This was in the mid-’90s, after Cruise had already starred in “Top Gun” and “Born on the Fourth of July,” but the baseball great, once married to Marilyn Monroe, didn’t realize - or didn’t care - what a big star Cruise was.
“He’d show up at baseball-signing shows and wait for Joe to come out,” says the source. “One time, he waited outside a restaurant for him for three hours. [DiMaggio] called him ‘a short little guy.’ He didn’t like it. He felt like he was stalking him.”
“Joe said to me, ‘This guy is following me around everywhere I go,’” says our spy. “‘Next time, I’m going to call the cops.’”
Poor Joltin’ Joe. He just wanted to spend his twilight years obsessing over Marilyn Monroe. Instead, he had to deal with an overrated midget actor stalking him. Not cool, Tom. Not cool.
“South Park’s” Emmy-nominated “Trapped in the Closet” episode skewering Scientology and featuring Tom Cruise—you guessed it!—trapped in the closet returns to Comedy Central tonight, July 19, after being abruptly pulled from rotation. Enjoy watching it while you can, kiddies. We can only guess what Tom will do to get it yanked again.
It’s time to get your feelings about Tom Cruise off your chest, people. You’ll feel much better once you do.
Bring the hate.
Love,
I Hate Tom Cruise