The Atlantis space shuttle landed safely yesterday after being delayed for landing due to a “mystery object” falling off of the shuttle on Tuesday. The intrepid reporters at The Wow Report have now discovered just what—or rather, who—that mystery object was. Safe intergalactic travels to you, dear Suri. We understand your need to flee.

Thanks to Kiana for the tip!

“Tom won’t come on my show because I’d tell him he’s a nutter!”

- Sharon Osbourne

[via The Sun Online]

Although we would argue that Stephen Baldwin should probably focus his prayers on his train wreck of a brother Daniel first and foremost, he recently told Radar magazine that he’s praying for Tom Cruise’s soul:

On the Hollywood list of people I pray for often, Tom Cruise is probably No. 1. All I have to say to Tom is, God bless ya, I hope you’re having fun. But I’d love through Radar magazine to throw a gauntlet down to Mr. Cruise. I’d love to break bread with him and pray with him, and I’d love for the Holy Spirit of God to reveal the truth to him. That would be an awesome thing. I remember Tom back in the day. I did “Born on the Fourth of July” with him. And he’s a very different guy now. …That regular Joe quality seems to have been lost. When you buy enough of your own hype, then it’s not who you are anymore. It becomes about how you’re perceived. I’d rather be young little sweet little Jesus Freak Stevie B any day of the week. Seriously though, can you put us together? Can we get a little sushi together? I’d like to give him a spicy Jesus roll.

Better make that a spicy Xenu roll, Stephen.

[via Radar Online]

Good luck, Suri. You’re gonna need it, kiddo.

[via Cracked]

Finally we get to see Suri! She’s a cute kid—much less alien-like than we had expected. But is it just us, or do you think Tom and Katie’s gardener is Asian?

Speaking of Suri conspiracy theories, here’s yet another one:

Ok, we weren’t going to bother spreading this story, but whenever we tell it to anyone they encourage us to do so. So here we go. Keep in mind this is a RUMOR, but it explains a lot. The story goes that when Katie Holmes split with her ex-boyfriend Chris Klein in March 2005, she may or may not have realized she was pregnant with his baby. She started dating Tom in April, 2005, and according to this tale, when Tom found out she was expecting, he not only didn’t MIND, but he insisted on taking credit for the pregnancy. They abruptly got engaged in June 2005. Since the baby was scheduled to be born too soon into their relationship, Tom and Katie faked the birth date. She actually gave birth months EARLIER than the announced birth. She wore padding for the last few months after the REAL birth, and made sure she was photographed. In case you don’t remember, Suri’s announced April 18 birth was oddly undocumented - there were no hospital records or specifics. Where WAS Suri born? Tom and Katie didn’t want their baby photographed because it would be apparent that Suri wasn’t newborn. After a few months it’s not so easy to recognize a baby’s exact age. Have you noticed that Suri has uniquely slanted eyes like Chris Klein? Keep in mind this is simply a rumor - form your own conclusions.

So do you think this theory is a) completely ridiculous or b) more plausible than the notion that Tom actually had sex with Katie. Discuss.

[via Janet Carlton’s Hollywood]